How to Learn to Let Go in All Relationships – The Ultimate Guide!

This article is also available in: 🇩🇪 Deutsch (German)

In this article, you will discover everything about learning to let go of all your relationships, including contemplation questions. The content is born from my intense experience in all internal and external relationships.

What aspects do I consider in the relationship with myself (internal)?

Past baggage: I learned to let go of my past and to heal it.

Future fears: I learned to let go of future fears.

Due to these two aspects of duality mentioned above, you primarily cannot let go. You hold on to the past, and you constantly wonder about the future. This article is about the art of letting go. So, be prepared!

CONTENT

Learning to Let Go in 5 Steps in All Relationships
1. Letting Go of the Past
2. Letting Go of Fears
3. Let Go of Relationships
4. Let Go of Thoughts
5.Love Means to Let Go
6. Frequently Asked Questions about Learning to Let Go

 

Learning to Let Go in 5 Steps in All Relationships

Letting go of all negative thoughts is hard for you. How could it not? You, like most adults and me, have been conditioned to be in a day-to-day survival mode. It starts with our diet, which we tend to swallow quickly rather than consciously engage in mindfulness. Most of what we eat, we would only eat consciously short term because we know it is a low vibration form. The clarity in nutrition is the basis of so much.

Enough preface let us go together into the five steps we may consider in learning to let go.

1. Letting Go of the Past

Letting Go of the Past

Letting go of our past is exceedingly tricky because we bear a lousy relationship with many events from the past. We also do not remember most of what happened in the past because we have suppressed it. In the field of spiritual development, this is what we call shadow work or healing the inner child.

The description of shadow work fits it best because we are not aware of what is currently in the shadows emanating from our subconscious.

We are so conditioned in society that we cannot bring about healing and positive change without professional help from the outside. If we would always heal ourselves, optimize ourselves – which is an integral part of learning to let go, coaches, psychologists and therapists would be 99.9% redundant. There would be no need.

The reality looks differently!

Every second person is now a coach or consultant and provides information on any topic. On the one hand, this is wonderful since it is the very greatest desire of the coach and consultant also to grow themselves inwardly.

With the amount of different information in the self-help category, the challenge is to discover the information with the highest purity. And even with pure teachings like a honed diamond, the valid message of the teaching may not reach you.

Especially when it comes to letting go, people often scratch the surface with light meditation and affirmations. I am not saying that these tools do not affect – on the contrary, they can have a remarkable effect for a short moment – but most of the time, they do not help you let go of your past.

Why is that?

We must learn from past mistakes. We must learn to understand why we and why our environment acted differently and what effects all this had on us and our environment and still has today.

Letting go of the past means dealing with your inner demons. Once you become aware of the impact your actions have had on others, you can begin to let go of them. To do this, you must forgive yourself. This act of forgiveness must also include all the people you have ever attracted to your environment.

The easiest way to help yourself is with a few questions that you can formulate yourself. Also, feel free to use my deep contemplation questions below. I have specially categorized these into physical, emotional, and mental – so you can get optimal clarity for yourself. Because when you separate these three parts, you realize that the three parts are deeply united.

Contemplation questions for you:

  • How can I let go of my past so that my present and future enrich not only me but also all other living beings?
  • What are you still holding on to from the past? What are you not yet ready to let go?
  • Where does the past seem to keep catching up with you physically (physical body)? What physical symptoms are expressing themselves? What can you actively do to let go of these symptoms in love and to attract even more vitality into your life?
  • Where does your past catch up with you emotionally? Which negative emotions do you continue to suppress? How do you respond to rejection from others? Should you not respond – could the response be a suppression of your emotions? Ask yourself how you can establish gentle boundaries for yourself in the best possible way?
  • Where does the past seem to catch up with you mentally? What thought constructs haunt you that you are not ready to let go of and that often seems to rob you of your peace? How do you think about other people? When do you judge or condemn other people or yourself?

From your past, you usually conclude your future. You practically draw fears of the future into your life. The second step is about how you can let go of these fears.

2. Letting Go of Fears

let go of fears

Fears are always a product of concerns about the future. Will my child be healthy? How long will I be healthy? How long will I be athletic? Can I achieve everything I have set as a goal for life? How long will my physical beauty last?

Just a few questions we ask ourselves all too often. We worry about our future and the future of our friends, parents, and partners. We do not realize that by doing so, we are inviting these fears into our lives.

I am always fascinated by how people grow up with wild animals – like lions. Why don’t these people get bitten? Are the lions just not hungry?

No, the lions respect people who have no fears. Those few who are not afraid of lions and integrate themselves into the lion kingdom according to their rules – will probably not be attacked. Look at Dean Schneider on YouTube. I admire Dean very much for his work.

So, it is not animals that have bad intentions; it is people who are scared and want to prove something. So please do not go to the nearest wildlife park now and try your luck with the lions! Please know your limits! I would not get into the ring with lions myself – I am still making friends with spiders and other small creatures.

So, we attract what we are afraid of. What can you learn from this? Respect the thoughts and images you often attract! If you attract the same thoughts and images and react emotionally, you can be sure that this is a warning sign.

Either you manifest something subtle from your karma, or you attach and emulate the feelings and thoughts of others out of sympathy.

Be aware, however, that this helps neither you nor this person! We confuse compassion with pity far too often.

Compassion means that you stay in your energy; you inspire others to ascend into higher frequency realms and assist them with tips when acclimatizing to new spheres.

Self-Pity means that you adapt your energy to the energy of the one who is suffering. Because of this adaption you vulnerable to all suffering.

I will do another article on high sensitivity soon because I also count myself among the people who must permanently re-acclimatize. Only when I uncovered my shadows and let them go in love – could I distinguish when I was centered in my energy and when I was not. Only then could I begin to empathize and not sympathize. I write this because this is a significant point for the topic of letting go of fears.

Here are some contemplation questions for you on the topic of letting go of fears. By gifts, below, it is meant that you can inspire and guide yourself and others along the way. For example, from the shadow “Fear of Conflict,” you learn the gift of diplomacy, which you can use for yourself and others.

Contemplation questions for you:

  • What fears must I let go of so that I live more fully in the present moment?
  • Which worries and thoughts have I attracted from my environment? When do I suffer instead of empathizing?
  • Which fears from the past do I carry over into my future? How is it possible for me to let go of worries in love so that the gifts from my shadows can be of higher service to me and others?

The past and future always have a direct connection to all your relationships. This includes your relationship with yourself. Therefore, the next step is to connect the past and the future. How can you let go of toxic relationships?

3. Let Go of Relationships

Let Go of Relationships

I want to give you two very logical conclusions about why we cannot let go of relationships. To do this, I asked myself why people leave relationships. There are two triggers here. (Repressive) Your partner leaves you because you are physically, emotionally, or mentally frozen, and you were unconsciously afraid of your partner leaving you at some point. (reactive) You leave your partner because you do not want to show yourself more vulnerable to your partner, and you unconsciously left Him out of that reaction.

We both know that the longer we are in a relationship, the deeper man and woman get to know each other. The danger increases that one of your subconscious ego defense mechanisms will seek and find reasons to leave the relationship early.

Did you let go of your relationship when you ended it early, or could it be that you are attracting the same behaviors in the new partner? You may not notice this. However, there are reasons why women and men change partners so often.

If I did not have experiences in previous lifetimes and observed these tendencies in other people, I would not care about the issue. However, it means a lot to me because the inner diamond is buried in a relationship with another person, just waiting to blossom.

The partner is a mirror of our self. Otherwise, we would not have attracted him or her into our lives. So, letting go of the partner does not mean running straight to the next best target object, but asking yourself where the passion and love of life inside have been lost.

What has been written so far about letting go of a relationship is vital to understand from all cells. Because only when you connect body, mind, and soul will you let go of the partner in the current relationship. This harmony will lead to you separating peacefully or having a relationship 2.0 together.

What does it mean to connect body, mind, and soul?

Our body symbolizes our lower nature.

If we take a tree, it has roots, a trunk, and branches.

The lower nature is our physical body (roots), emotional body (trunk), and mental body (branches). The soul is the leaves (causal body), flowers (buddhic body), and fruits (atmic body). The mind is pure consciousness.

Only when we understand that we are connected physically and spiritually can we see if the duty with our partner is complete. Only then can we completely let go of our relationship.

I know that this division seems a bit more complex. However, in essence, it is elementary. Just as we embody a lower nature, we embody a higher nature. Only we have often lost contact with this higher nature, our higher self. The harmonization of lower and higher nature is what this is all about!

Get in touch with your higher physical body, the causal body, your higher emotional body, the buddhic body, and your higher mental body, the atmic body.

All the harmonization only works if you respect your lower nature as much as your higher nature.

So, what is the concrete solution? Either you have left a partner, or he has left you, and you are looking for forgiveness and support in this challenging phase. Or you are currently in a phase where you want to leave your partner, or he wants to leave you, and you are looking for emotional guidance in your decision-making.

I have been meditating intensely and deepening the Gene Keys approach when I was intense in this grief phase. Here I highly recommend the Venus Sequence to accompany you on the journey to the heart in all relationships. Yes, I, too, was in this turbulent phase. I am delighted, grateful, and happy that I overcame this phase. So, the goal is also never to start looking for guilt and sadness on the outside. Do not look for validation from friends because you will find it. Do not look for blame in your partner or yourself, because you will find it too.

Go within with loving mindfulness. Meditate and contemplate. Let go of the conditioning you have received from society. Do not look for solutions in others, especially directly in your partner, because that usually only increases the pain and misunderstanding. You also need time alone. That is all you need. I know it is painful to reflect on everything from your heart and clean up your mess. But this is the only sustainable solution for your peace and freedom.

Of course, listen to your friends and family if it is helpful for you. Ensure that you do not fall into the role of a victim and only seek confirmation for your situation and how badly you were treated. Look here that you receive an impact from others out of compassion and not pity.

The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself because on this inner trust lies the trust of the whole love relationship. Otherwise, how will you be able to let go of a relationship?

Exactly, not at all.  If you look at society, you will quickly see how no one works based on trust. Everyone needs contracts and safeguards for fear of not being robbed. I am not saying that contracts are bad because they can also be incredibly supportive in knowing precisely the scope of duties in an employment relationship and how talents deepen.

So ask yourself what expectations you had of your partner that they were not able to meet. Above all, ask yourself where these expectations came from and whether you even met these “expectations” with your partner. Most of the time, these expectations come from the urge to be perfect – to show no weaknesses and live together. Man and woman give the necessary to survive and fight constantly for the next purchase, money, time division for everyday things, and what else is every day in a relationship.

But we must understand that no partner is perfect. Only when we learn to understand this, our partner is perfect! We do not expect more. We understand, love, and comfort her or him. We breathe in and out deeply and know that we all have our faults and can forgive ourselves. Because we realize, to love means to let go!

4. Let Go of Thoughts

Let Go of Thoughts

We like to link expectations with thoughts. So letting go of thoughts is difficult for us until we finally let go of our expectations! We feel harassed by thoughts that tell us that we must pay attention. We must pay attention to make enough money and be accepted and loved in society! But what happens through this drive? Can we let go of our negative thoughts that keep bothering us?

No, they keep coming back. Why? Because we keep inviting them out of struggle. We resonate with these thoughts of “emptiness.” We think we never have enough! As long as we don’t go in peace with this resonance field and learn from our mistake – we won’t create a social image that we wish so much!

All humans, also you – have created this world so as it is at present. This truth may be exceedingly difficult to accept, but that is just the way it is. If you resonate with a field of fear, struggle, and intrigue, why should the world change for you?

Do not create any expectations in the outside world. Just be aware of yourself and act out of clarity, purity, and love. Make yourself your role model and stop believing in the limitations that society has imposed on you. Then you will also change your neuronal structures, and the thoughts will be released that has pulled you into the field of mediocrity so far.

My secret tip: In meditation or contemplation, simply observe your thought processes and let them go by enveloping them in love, and you realize that they too are only seeking love. A crying baby does not want to harm you either; it seeks the warmth and love of its mother. As soon as the mother gives her warmth and love, the baby stops crying. Deal with thoughts, emotions, and feelings in the same way, and you will find that you can never hold an absolute truth in your thoughts but only experience it.

5. Love Means to Let Go

Step 5 is very brief because it is about patience in learning to let go. Patience is loving trust and, therefore, cannot be forced. Only you on your path can learn to be patient with yourself and others.

But then why is it called “love means letting go”?

It is unconditional or universal love, not the love out of expectations that often creeps into relationships. We often believe that there is only love associated with sexual desires and expectations. However, this is the love of our lower nature (instincts). Therefore, we do not understand why love is letting go. We trapped ourselves in the selfish love of our animal instincts.

However, this step 5 love aspect is about selfless love, the love of our higher nature, the love of our soul, and the love of God. We also do not hold on to our cells, which die and are reborn every day. In the same way, you can think of “loving is letting go” here. You are born anew every day – whether you like it or not. What you make out of it, how you act, and which attitude you have in life – changes, however, only if you let go of your old self/ego.

6. Frequently Asked Questions about Learning to Let Go

My mother cannot let go. What is the psychology behind this?

The psychology behind this is simple. Your mother has never learned to let go nor have you learned to love her more for who she is. This kind of mother-child relationship is also based on reciprocity. Instead of looking for the faults in your mother, it is proven to be amazingly effective to deal with yourself. Because if you are honest with yourself, you cannot let go of the fact that your mother can’t let go either, can you? Everything is based on reciprocity. A moth is only attracted to the light when you turn on the lamp, and it is the same with your mother. I speak from my own experience. So, dim your inner moth light, and you will soon perceive your mother differently.

Not being able to let Go – What are the possible causes?

You are running away from your suffering. Imagine a baby that starts to cry. Do you think it would stop crying – if its mother just went shopping and left the baby alone? No! It is the same with the topic of letting go. As long as you run away from your issues and fears, they will not stop crying. There is in humans the physical running away – from one place to another or the passive suppression of fears. We either react or suppress our suffering. You may find out for yourself which tendencies in which situations you have in your life.

How can I let go of narcissists?

What is a narcissist? For me, a narcissist is a person who is not well understood and has experienced very little, if any, love in his life. So if you attract a narcissist into your life, it means that you have not experienced love in a relationship aspect, and you are in the process of learning to forgive yourself and people who have not experienced love. The best way to let go of a narcissist is not to start calling him a narcissist – because what is hard and we don’t understand, we created names. A person with narcissistic tendencies has a habit of reacting more and suppressing less. That’s why it’s often hard to let go of these people because they seem to manipulate and control you. But this only works because you tend to suppress yourself.

Which book on learning to let go should I read?

Write your very own book on this topic! A book on learning to let go is something that you must experience yourself. On the other hand, I can only think of one book that I would like to mention here. Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender by David R. Hawkins MD PhD.

David R. Hawkins ist eine große Bereicherung für die Menschheit!

Fighting or letting go?

Let go, what else! The universal law of cause and effect should answer this question by itself. What we fight comes back to us. Go to the supermarket sometimes and yell at some people, poke them, and hit them. Do you think you’ll get a peaceful backlash? When you fight, the problem is amplified on a multidimensional level. I say multidimensional because you don’t always get the direct impact of your actions back as an echo. The temporal component plays by its own rules in cause and effect. So you better let go. Letting go means living, and loving means letting go! You can compare letting go with the flow of water in the sea. The water always flows in harmony and respects all drops in the collective. Visit the sea, a lake, or the river and jump into the water, and you will surely learn more about letting go than anything else.


I am grateful that you read this article because it shows your inner commitment! It is not always easy to forgive and being humble.

However, the gifts and fruits given to those who courageously shatter their old worldview transcend all forms of negativity.

Consider having a look at my blog and articles. Write a comment below. Ask a question, share your contemplation, or share feedback from your heart.

All the Love,

Your Dominik

Dominik Porschehttps://beyonduality.com/about-me/
Hi, nice to see you here. I am Dominik, living in Cyprus, age of 29, freethinker, consciousness explorer, open-hearted and spiritual inspiration for the people around me. Here I accompany you on a joyful and courageous journey to discover and and embody your soul's purpose. My greatest vision is to play a decisive and inspiring role on earth in your collective inner transformation into your Higher Purpose. And to realize this, every day I jump into the water again and remember a bit more of what I already am.

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